Dec 8, 2013

Seek Him with all your heart

I was awaken by a phonecall from a classmate at exactly 5:08 this morning. he asked if i still have his registration form because we he happen to both print ours the same time wghen we needed an extra. i already forgot if the little piece of paper was still in my belongings but because he needed it for later's accounting quiz bee and of course, he is my classmate, i looked for it. and yes, it was there in my pile of papers and books. good thing its still there.
i was supposed to post a blog last night but due to tiredness, i fell asleep right away when i lay down in my bed. my religious organization spent our whole Sabbath in our place and wonderful is an understatement for my experience.
Every Sabbath is unique to me. I have different lessons learned and different story of blessedness to share. And this one's worth sharing. But i wont go any further to details.
i asked God some months ago about faith experiences. I was envious those times of other people's testimony of how God.has led there lives. So I asked Him if He can also give me those kind of situations. I thought it was that easy that time. I forgot that when He wants us to learn a lesson, there are risks- either it will be in a good way or not-so-good way. I was including that prayer in my prayers twice or thrice then forgot about it. Then yesterday came and all realization sank in to me. While having a sharing moment with the president of the group, I remembered so well every detail in my life of how God has been working. From that very time and scene when my father met my mother until this current episode of my life, God has been always in control. Then suddenly, my prayer months ago hit my memory lane and I asked myself, why do I still ask God to prove Himself to me? When all along He have proven, with all the necessary evidences, His goodness in my life? That although there are many times, i admit, that I do not put God in the first of my everything, still He gives me many reasons to make Him my first.
Jeremiah 29: 11 does not only tell us to trust Him because He has the best plans in our life but if we continue reading until verse 14, it says that if we only call and pray unto Him, He will answer and if we shall seek and find Him with all our heart, we will find Him. I was thankful that He answered my prayer in a good way. But, I don't know, maybe He will still let me experience another thing which will be a good testimony of faith to others. And I don't recognize myself. Because all along, it was Jesus who has been working- my Redeemer and Friend.


*This is a mobile post. I apologize for many errors. I'll edit as soon as I get to my laptop. ;)

Nov 25, 2013

Friendship Poem

We have known each other’s faces ever since we were little kids
But so ironic to know that I started to love you just last two thousand and six
Was it I who first smiled?
Or was it you who began the friendship's first mile?
I can’t remember well how everything between us started
But spending many good, good days with you, how can I just forget?
I treasured those moments with you,
Keeping them in my heart always 5 years new.
Though we’re so different in many things
But then so alike in much more ways
You were the funny and friendly girl,
I was the shy and silent type
But whenever were together,
Time and space have lost their place,
‘Cause we’re the craziest and I like it that way best.
We sing - you sing way better (you even dance horribly)
We play the piano, you play the flute
We play the guitar, I teach you how
(And now you’re even much better)
We plant pechay, we sell them ‘till heaven knows where and when
We ride the bike, and strolled more until rain pours
We joke, you laugh at any joke
We laugh together, you laugh much more
We’re silent - I hate it when you’re silent
I cry - you’re there for me
We drink heavily, Oh how I miss salabat dearly.
I have loved, you kept it a secret
And when love needs to end, you spilled the restricted
But I just want you to know: I began to appreciate you more for that,
You’re just a true friend.
We studied the Bible and read it together
We pray and sing much more as sisters.
Through the sunny and gloomy days of life,
I know the Heavenly Father has always been your Guide.
And now that you’re nineteen, and don’t forget to soon be twenty,
I pray to Him that He continue blessing you in every aspect, abundantly.
May He continue to use you as an instrument that plays wonderfully
Of songs and praises of His love and grace to everybody.
Study well and pray more
Dream big things, Do your best
Love more, Worry less
And depend to God your all.
I hope we see each other soon.
Happy, happy Birthday Grace!
I miss you and I love you! J

Nov 24, 2013

Draft

3rd year BSA
Wala sa hinagap ko nung elementary at high school na puro numbers ang makakaharap ko pagdating ng college. Pangarap ko kasi talaga noon pa na maging medical doctor, specifically, paediatrician. Pero ewan ko ba, dito ako nalagay sa talagang kabaliktaran ng kung anong pinag-aaralan ng mga magdodoctor.
Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit yung isa pa sa pinaka-mahirap na course yung kinuha ko. Wala masyadong memorization pero puro analysis. Mula sa pagrecord ng transaction hanggang sa matapos ang isang buong accounting period, hanggang infinity (dahil sa principle ng going concern) pwera nalang kung mabankrupt at maliquidate ang business. Pero hanggang doon, puro analyzation. Basta, kung BSA student kayo, siguradong maiintindihan niyo ko ng bongga.
Gusto ko lang naman i-share yung challenge na nararanasan ko. Sa totoo lang kasi, di ako ganoon katalino. Siguro medyo fast learner pero kung gano kabilis makagets, ganun  din naman kabilis makalimot. Slow pa nga kadalasan eh. Di rin ako ganon kasipag mag-aral. Ngayong college ko nga lang na-experience yung halos 3-5 hours tuloy-tuloy na aral, walang break. Eh nung high school nga, nakaka 1 hour lang ako. Di pa nga reach. Pero wala eh. People change. People need to change for some reasons.
Alam mo yung experience na nageexcel ka nung high school kahit happy-go-lucky ka lang sa pag-aaral, pero ngayon, wala na. As in WALA. Mahirap din pala masanay ng ganun. Masakit sa puso. Lol. Pero kailangan i-accept na talagang may mas best pa talaga sa’yo at kailangan ng effort para mag-excel.
Nakakatuwa lang din minsan. Yung tipong bagsakan na rin yung grade(actually di naman sya literal na bagsak, di lang abot sa cut-off grade) edi medyo sisipagan na yung pag-aaral, nagiging positive, tapos pray. Leave everything to God’s hand.  Masarap lang sa feeling yung ginawa mo na yung part mo, you did your best, so nothing to worry anymore because God will now do His part, just trust. After nun, namalayan ko nalang, pasado ako. Although hindi ganung kataas yung grade, pero so much thankful.
Masaya rin. Kapag may gantong klase ng thrill yung buhay. Daming lessons in life.

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Nagbbrowse ako sa mga documents ko nung makita ko yung mga drafts ko para ipost sa blog. Mga 8 MS Word documents na sinimulan kong isulat this year at wala ni isang natapos. Di pa kasama yung mga drafts dito sa blog at 3 short story drafts sa notebook ko. Di ko alam kung anong nangyari. Basta naging ganto nalang talaga ako bigla. 
Pumili lang ako ng isang draft na parang medyo tapos. At iyan yun. Wala na kasing kwenta talaga yung iba, kahit english pa sila. Nakakatawa lang na ang non-sense pala ng mga pinag-iisip ko. Pero at least gumagana, di'ba?
At ayun nga, naka-abot naman din ako ng 3rd year BS Accountancy. Hopefully maka-abot hanggang Board Exam at makapasa, by God's grace.
Kbye. Mag-aaral na po ako. 

Oct 22, 2013

Birthday Video Present

It was my mother’s 38th birthday yesterday! Unfortunately, we weren't able to celebrate her special day yesterday because both my parents are in Malaysia while we are here in the Philippines. So, my siblings and I just decided to make a birthday video as a birthday present to her. How's that? :D
I remember writing her letters when I was still a little kid (although I’m still a kid) and she really appreciates every letter. I think air-mailed letters are costly and a bit vintage (?), I hope she will still appreciate how we tried to creatively make use of our hi-technology.

I just finished reading “The Fault in our Stars” by John Green and I would like to quote some sentences from the main character’s mother when she said, “As long as either of us is alive, I will be your mother… Even when you die, I will be your mom, Hazel. I won’t stop being your mom. Have you stopped loving Gus? ... Well, then how could I stop loving you?
A review of this book will be another blog post, so for now I’ll be leaving with our birthday video. (It’s funny when you see yourself on camera. Hehe.)



By the way, the title of the song is I Have Been Blessed, by The Rochester’s. The lyrics and tune are wonderful. Praise God for the gift of music! The song says that if we will just mind the little things or even the common things that we have in life, we will see how God has been so good in our life for He has blessed us with so much. Us three, personally have been so much blessed already when God gave us our wonderful parents. I thank Him for that and for all the many other wonderful things He has given me and still gives me.

I Have Been Blessed Lyrics and Chords:

                              C                                    Am                             
When He walks among us all that He does
                   F                              G
All of His mercy and all of His love
                             C                          Am
And the pen of the writer could write everyday
                       F                             G
Even this world could never contain
                            C - F - C
How I’ve been blessed

                                   C                                    Am    
The warmth in the winter, the flowers in spring
                        F                                                  G
The laughter in summer, and the changing of leaves
                                   C                                    Am    
The food on my table, a good place to sleep
                       F                              G
Clothes on my back, shoes on my feet
                  C - F - C
I have been blessed.

CHORUS:
C7                   F                                            G
I have been blessed God is so good to me
                        C                                         Am
Precious are His thoughts of you and me
                          F                                                   G
No way I could count them there’s not enough time
                        C                                         Am
So I’ll just thank Him for being so kind
                     F               G
God has been good, so good
                  C - F - C
I have been blessed 

                        C                                    Am    
Arms I can raise, a voice that can talk
                             F                                       G
Hands that can touch and legs that can walk
                        C                                    Am    
Ears that can listen, eyes that can see
                           F                                         G
Oh I’ve got to praise Him as long as I breathe
                  C - F - C
I have been blessed

                        C                                           Am    
A father and mother who nurtured and raised
                       F                                G
Sisters and brothers, memories made
                         C                                Am    
Our pastor to lead us, the alter to pray
                              F                                         G
Stripes that can heal, the blood that can save
                  C - F - C
I have been blessed

CHORUS

(change key)           D                                 Bm
He’s my shoulder to lean on when I am down
                                     G                                       A
The rock where He leads me, when I’m overwhelmed
                                      D                                  Bm
The place where He hides me, under His wings
                       G                                        A
He’s not just a song, He’s the reason I sing
                  D - G - D
I have been blessed


CHORUS:
D7                  G                                            A
I have been blessed God is so good to me
                        D                                         Bm
Precious are His thoughts of you and me
                          G                                                   A
No way I could count them there’s not enough time
                        D                                         Bm
So I’ll just thank Him for being so kind
                     G               A
God has been good, so good
                 D - G - D
I have been blessed 

Oct 15, 2013

Tres

“Palimos po, Ate, Kuya. Pambili ko lang po ng pagkain.”

Malayo pa lang ay napansin ko na ang batang lalaki sa baba ng overpass. Mga pito hanggang sampung taong gulang. Madungis at ga-tingting ang katawan sa kapayatan.

Sa tuwing pauwi ako sa amin, nakakasalubong ko ang batang ito. Walang reaksyon kalimitan ang mukha niya tuwing namamalimos. Parang normal na lang na gawain ang manghingi ng barya sa mga taong dumadaan. Isa lamang siya sa marami pang mga pulubi dito sa overpass.

Pauwi na ako ngayon sa bahay galing sa dorm. Ganito lagi ang natatanaw ko sa maingay at mausok na lansangan na ito – mga naghilerang tindahan sa gilid ng kalsada, trapik, mga taong pagal sa paghahanap ng lunas sa suliranin ng buhay. Medyo nagmamadali na ako dahil dapit-hapon na at ayaw kong gagabihin ng pag-uwi. Hindi na maintindihan ang takbo ng utak ng mga tao ngayon. Pagsasapit na kasi ang dilim, lumalabas na din ang iba’t-ibang klase ng krimen. Napa-uwi ako bigla dahil kailangan ng pambayad sa eskwelahan pati sa tinitirahan ko ngayon. Sa dinami-rami kasi ng malapit na unibersidad sa bayan na namin, mas pinili ko pa yung halos tatlong oras na byahe ang layo sa amin. Kaya eto, nagtitigil sa isang bahay-upahan malapit sa eskwelahan at umuuwi paminsan-minsan sa bahay kung kinakailangan.

Tulad ng ibang hapon na umuuwi ko, tiyak sasalubungin ulit ako ng batang namamalimos. Nakasanayan ko ng magbigay sa kanya ng ilang barya na inilalagay ko sa bulsa ng pantalon ko. Minsan naman, talagang tumitigil pa ako para maghanap lang ng kaunting barya na maibibigay sa kanya. Pero parang iba ang kondisyon ko ngayon, di ko alam kung bakit. Habang papalapit na ako ng papalapit sa kinaroonan ng bata ay may kung anong pwersa ang tumutulak sa akin na magpatuloy lang sa pagmamadali ng lakad. Madadaanan ko na ang bata, “Kuya, barya lang po.” Sabay sahod ng marumi niyang kamay sa tapat ko. Pero pinili kong iwasan ang bata, hindi ko tiningnan ang mukha niya, hindi ako tumigil para dukutin ang natitirang barya sa bulsa. Deretso lang ng lakad, deretso lang ng tingin.

Napabuntong hininga ako pagkarating ko sa taas ng overpass. Minsan lang naman hindi makapagpalimos, ayos lang yun. Pero parang bumigat lalo ang pakiramdam ko. Maliban sa isang backpack na dala ko ay parang nadagdagan pa ito ng isang sako ng bigas sa mga balikat ko. Mas lalo pang naging kapansin-pansin sa mata ko ang kalagayang ng iba pang mga pulubi na nandito sa taas ng overpass. Bumilis ang kabog ng puso ko dahil sa mabilis na pag-akyat ko sa hagdan at bumagal naman ang kaninang nagmamadali kong mga paa. Sa kaliwa ko ay naka-upo sa nilatag na mga karton ang isang babae na may hawak na sanggol. Sa di kalayuan naman, nakita ko na ng mabuti na ang lalake pala na may dalang tungkod ay hindi matanda kundi isang bulag.  Nandoon din yung lalaking may mga nakatuhog  na  bakal sa kanang binti. Naalala ko tuloy ng minsan ko siyang makatabi sa jeep at nakita ko ng malapitan ang namamaga niyang tinuhog na binit. Nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko. Pakiramdam ko nasa entablado ako at lahat ng mata ay nakatingin sa akin.

Napakababaw ko naman para makonsensya.

Sa wakas, narating ko rin ang baba ng overpass, napabuntung-hininga ulit ako. Pero hindi nawala ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. Sumakay ako ng bus at umupo malapit sa bintana. Malilimutan mo rin yan Jun-jun, huwag ka na mag-alala. Maya-maya pa’y umandar na rin ang sasakyan.

“Oh, chicharon kayo diyan, tubig, kendi.” Sigaw ng naglalako ng pagkain.
“Pabili ho ng kendi.” Sabay dukot ko sa bulsa ng dalawang pisong barya.
“Thank you, ser.” Sabay abot sa akin ng tatlong pirasong kendi.

Tila dala ng  malamig na hangin na humahampas sa mukha ko ang pagninilay-nilay sa pangyayari kanina. Tiningnan ko ang kamay ko, tatlong pirasong kendi. May maitutulong kaya ang dalawang pisong barya ko sa batang iyon kanina? Naalala ko tuloy si Bren. Si Bren na walang nakagisnang tatay. Ang batang iyon kaya ay may tatay?  

Si Bren, dalawang taon ko na siyang kasama sa dorm. At kailan ko lang nalaman na hindi pa niya nakikita ang tatay niya kahit sa litrato lang dahil nabuntis lang pala ang nanay niya. Lumaki siya sa tiyahin niya at itinuring na ring ina. Pero hindi mo aakalaing may ganito siyang buhay. Matalino siya at masipag mag-aral. Medyo mahiyain pero may talento pala sa pag-awit at pagguhit. Marami din siyang kaibigan. Noong maikwento niya sa akin ang buhay niya, parang wala lang sa kaniya. Yung normal lang na ekspresyon ng mukha niya, walang pinakitang lungkot o galit. Nung minsan kong tinanong kung gusto niya makita tatay niya, sagot niya sakin, “Sa totoo lang, hinahanap ko siya. Sa internet, sa facebook. Syempre gusto ko siyang makita pero hanggang dun nalang siguro.”

Tiningnan ko ang relo ko. Malapit na pala mag-alas singko. Mukhang aabutan pa rin ako ng dilim bago maka-uwi.

“Pamasahe lang ho.” Lumapit na sakin ang matabang konduktor. Buti pa siya, malusog.

Wala na akong madukot na barya sa bulsa. Tiningnan ko ang pitaka ko, singkwenta pesos nalang ang laman. Bente singko ang ibabayad ko ngayon at bente dos naman mamaya para sa huling sakay mamaya sa jeep. Sakto lang. Iniabot ako ang bayad at iniabot niya naman sa akin ang tiket at sukli. Sabay pasok lahat sa bulsa ng pantalon. Sana pala nangutang muna ako kay Ronald.

Si Ronald, bagong kasama namin ni Bren sa kwarto. Isa rin ‘tong tao ito. Lima silang magkakapatid pero nagawa pa ring maghiwalay ng mga magulang niya. Nasa ibang bansa ang nanay niya at ang tatay naman niya, hindi na umuuwi sa kanila bagaman nakakausap niya minsan sa telepono. Noong una akala ko pasaway tong taong to. Unang dating ba naman sa kwarto, nagkwento agad ng tungkol sa halikan nila ng nobya niya. Unang halik pala kaya sabik ikwento ang karanasan. Napaka-kwelang tao, pero sa kabila pala ng napakamasayahing anyo ay nakukubli ang malungkot na kalagayan ng pamilya niya. Nakakahanga siya dahil isa siya sa mga madasaling tao na nakilala ko.

Bumalik ako sa ulirat ng biglang tumigil ang bus. May sumakay na babae at lalaki na may kasamang bata. Isang pamilya siguro. Tumabi sila sa akin, kalong-kalong ng tatay ang batang lalaki.
“Papa, sabi mo bibilihan mo ko ng laruang bus?” Sabi ng bata sa lalaking may kalong sa kaniya.
Tiningnan ko ang lalaki, ngumiti siya sa bata sabay sabing, “Sa susunod anak, pramis.”
Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa bintana at muling naglakbay ang diwa.

Si Sir Francis. Minsan kaming dumalaw sa isang bahay ampunan sa Cavite. Nagsilbi kami sa mga bata doon. Nagturo ng mga kanta, nagkwento, nagbigay ng pagkain. Tulad ng ibang mga bata, mahilig silang maglaro, makukulit at malilikot. Pero sa tuwing titingin ako sa mga mata nila, parang nakikita ko rin kung anong tahanan mayroon sila at bakit sila napunta sa lugar na tulad nito. Bago kami umuwi, kinausap kami ng isa sa mga guro sa ampunan.
“Sa tingin niyo, bakit may mga ampunan na tulad nito?” Tanong ni Sir Francis sa amin.
“Para sa mga mahihirap na pamilya?” Sagot sa isa sa mga kasama ko.
“Para sa mga iniwang bata.” Sagot naman ng isa pa.

Wala rin akong maisip na dahilan kung bakit nga ba may mga ampunan. Dahil nga ba  sa mga magulang na wala ng maipakain sa anak nila? O para ba ito doon sa mga mag-asawang hindi magkaanak kaya naghahanap ng pwedeng maging anak sa mga ampunan?

Sandaling natigil ang pagmumuni-muni ko sa bus dahil malapit na pala akong bumaba.
Kulay kahel na ang kalangitan ng makababa ako sa destinasyon ko. Malapit na magdilim. Binilisan ko na ulit ang lakad ko papuntang terminal. Sa jeep, habang nag-aantay ng iba pang pasahero, napansin ko ang dalawang magnobyo na naka-upo sa bandang dulo ng sasakyan, malapit sa likod ng drayber. Naglalampungan ang dalawa na parang mga pusa. Hindi naman ako naiingit dahil wala akong nobya pero naalala ko yung sagot ni Sir Francis.

“Kaya may mga ampunan dahil sa mga maling desisyon ng mga kabataang tulad niyo. Karamihan sa mga batang ito ay resulta ng maagang pagbubuntis. Ang iba naman ay namaltrato ng mga magulang, mga kabataan na hindi binigyang importansya ang pag-aaral. At ang iba, dahil sa wasak na tahanan at kahirapan Kung tutuusin nga ay, mas mabuti kung walang mga ampunan. Ibig sabihin, walang batang nasasaktan, naiiwan o pinapabayaan.”

Nagsimula ng umandar ang sasakyan, at bigla kong napansing napatitig na pala ako ng matagal sa dalawang kabataan sa jeep. Tumigil sila sa paglalandian, nahiya yata nang mapansin nilang matagal akong nakatingin sa kanila. Binaling ko ang tingin ko sa labas ng bintana ng jeep at bumalik sa alaala ko ang bata kanina sa overpass. Ano nga kayang tahanan mayroon ang batang iyon at naging ganoon ang kalagayan niya? Katulad kaya siya ni Bren na walang tatay? O ni Ronald na hiwalay ang magulang?

Mabilis nang lumalatag ang dilim. Tiningnan ko ang relo ko, mag-aalas sais na ng hapon.

May naituturing kayang tahanan yung mga taong nakatira sa taas ng overpass? Siguro’y sa isip nila, mawala na ang ibang gusali roon huwag lang matinag ang overpass at huwag lang mabawasan ang mga taong dumaraang paroo’t parito sa mataas na gusaling iyon.

Naging pamilyar na ng unti-unti ang nasa paligid.
“Para ho ma, sa tabi lang.” Bumaba ako ng jeep at napansing nalagom na ng tuluyan ng dilim ng gabi ang lansangan. Nakarating na rin ako, sa wakas.

Sabi nila, ang tahanan daw ay iyong lugar kung na saan ang iyong puso. Masasabi nga kaya ng batang iyon sa overpass na tahanan niya ang lugar kung san siya nagugutom, kung saan siya tumutunghay sa mga tao upang mamalimos? Yung mga bata sa ampunan, saan kaya ang tahanan nila? Doon ba sa lugar kung saan kabangisan ang kanilang kinalakihan o doon sa ampunan na may mga taong handang mag-alaga at magturo bagaman hindi nila kapamilya ni kadugo man lang? 

Marami pang katanungan. Siguro’y hindi ko pa malalaman ngayon ang sagot, at ang iba’y mananatiling tanong. Paano nananatiling masaya si Ronald sa kabila ng kalagayan ng pamilya niya? Makikita pa kaya ni Bren ang tatay niya?

Nakarating na ko sa tapat ng bahay namin. Tiningnan ko ang relo ko, saktong alas sais y media. Maswerte pa pala ako. Kahit tres nalang natitirang pera ko, may kumpletong pamilya naman ako.
May ngiting lumapat sa mga labi ko. Magkahalong lungkot at tuwa ang kahulugan noon. Kinapa ko ang tres pesos sa bulsa ko bago ako pumasok sa bahay. Kasama  pa rin ng barya ang tiket sa bus kanina at natitirang isang kendi. May maiaabot pa ako sa bata sa overpass pagbalik ko dorm bukas.

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Lahok para sa Saranggola Blog Awards 2013








Oct 14, 2013

Sembreak

3rd year first semester is done. 
What happened? So much I’m too lazy to blog. 
Dumadating lang minsan talaga yung time na di mo alam kung ano ng nangyayari sa pagbablog. Tatamarin, mawawalan ng idea, magiging busy, malilimutan. DEAD END. Joke. 
Sobrang busy lang talaga ngayong sem na puro calculator yung kaharap at hawak ko. Bestfriend ko na siya, in fairness.
Masipag na estudyante lang po. Charot.  
Sa totoo lang, madaming drafts ngayon sa blog ko. Puro mga nasimulan, walang natapos, wala ring nablog. Eh bakit ba ko nag-eexplain? As if naman may nagtatanong at nagtataka? 
I’m just planning to change major things. Yung earth nga, major-major na changes eh. Makiki-trend na rin yung sarili kong mundo. In a few days, I’ll change blog name and blog theme. Still not yet sure with my blog URL. Iba kasi dito compared sa Tumblr na pwedeng anytime magchange ng URL without affecting your followers. I’m also thinking na gawin nalang anonymous. Nahiya na ko bigla magblog nung nalaman na mga kakilala ko. And weird, nagblog pa ko kung ayaw ko lang din ipabasa. Ewan.
Ang lungkot lang. 

Aug 18, 2013

I did not


I woke up this morning 
Not wanting to see myself mourning
So I decided to set a mood
That will do everything good

I looked in front of the mirror,
No I don’t want to see any horror.
So I smiled to this person I see
To start my day with glee

I planned my whole day right: 
Time, priorities, and responsibilities – in sight. 
Not a minute or second to waste 
Because I don’t want anything in haste

But someone changed the mood 
A nerve snapped everything that’s good
It just happened this morning
Oh no, I see myself mourning.

What I imagined was happy to see
But what happened to the thought so glee?
Then I faced again the mirror,
Now, who’s this person in shock and horror?

I think I will be starting with waste.
So I’ll just finish the day in haste
Because I don’t think things will turn out right
Especially now that only dim is in sight.

How I wish it was you whom I miss
(Not the ‘miss’ that don’t lead to a person’s bliss)
‘Cause for a second, it was the bad thought I heed
And in the end, I’m wrong, indeed.

Honestly, all I want is rhyme
And wow! I did it alright!
But then remember this: That in our choices belong happiness.
So do not depend it on other people’s mess.

Jul 2, 2013

Hello July!

Hello to my dearest blog again! At last! I tried to update this “other world” of mine after 123, 234, 677 years. I just want to spend a little time out of my really tight schedule to post something for my soon birthday! I know what I’m going to say here again is a bit selfish and really just about me. But hey, who cares? This is my blog and I should just freely let my thoughts drift away and be posted. Lol.

Anyway, it’s the month of July already! It’s the seventh month of the year! It’s my birth month! My birthday’s so soon! HAHA! Nah. I’m not excited. I don’t even want the 10th day of the month to come ‘cause I know my age is gonna increase another number again. For short, I’M GETTING OLDER. -_-

But this is life.

I was planning the other day what should I do for my 19th birthday. But just like any other birthdays of mine, I’m not going to do anything. HAHA. But here are something I can do to help me realize how blessed my 19 years of my life has been. :D

My 10 Nineteen’s:

1. 19 new people in my life.

2. 19 things I currently have and value the most.

3. 19 places I have recently/commonly visited.

4. 19 usual things I do.

5. 19 songs I really, really like.

6. –

7. –

8. –

9. –

10. –

These are only 5 for now. But I will be sharing in this post my first in the 10 Nineteen’s.

19 New People in my Life

1. Chamu – one the trustworthy persons I have. I treat her as my sister. We call each other ‘kambal’.

2. Mhitzie – she’s a talkative, funny, and unique girl who treats me as one of her bestfriends. I don’t know why she sees me as her best friend. But I really appreciate everything about her.

3. Kuya Genel – a just newly found true friend. I never thought that I would get the chance to be close to him since he is a senior BSA student. But because of his wit, his love of music, and his sanguine personality, a good friendship was created. :D

4. Nuna – my new roommate. She’s a first year dentistry student. She rarely talks but I know that she’ll show her true colors soon!

5. Xanthy – new roommate. She’s a grade 8 student who is really much taller than I and has a really long, long, black hair.

6. Grethel – new roommate. She’s a graduating business student. She may look like a snob and a really silent girl. But this lady has a really funny and crazy side of her.

7. Ann – new roommate. A transferee ECE student. She’s also the kind of girl who can always show the crazy side of her. She calls herself ‘bading’ because of her ma-‘okray’ and unique words.

8. Ate Fhaye – A new friend because of Chamu.

9. Faith – Ate Fhaye and Chamu’s roommate.

10. Ma’am Lintao – my professor in Advance Accounting.

11. Ma’am Joy – my professor in Cost Accounting

12. Sir Red – my professor in Law in Obligations and Contracts

13. Ma’am Mimi – my professor in Financial Accounting 3 and Financial Management

14. Batchmates – the friends whom I can always relate with. Being a BSA student is really a serious thing. And one should really have good friendships along the journey to cope up with difficult times and accounting subjects. Lol

15. Ellen – We’re roommates already for 1 year. And I’m glad to have the chance to get to know her better. J

16. Sheila – An Ilongga and medtech student who is also my roommate for a year already. Her personality is a bit like mine. We can understand each other’s sentiments eh. :D

17. Sir Batulayan – my Earth Science subject professor. I really learn many things from him.

18. Ma’am Uy – our dormitory dean. She’s our second mother in our home away from home.

19. The nineteen year old Jana. Soon she shall mature and would learn so many things in life. I want to see how she will grow up and would live this life. Gonna meet her soon. ; )

May 22, 2013

Sweet, sweet harmony

With my parents in ministry
            I am not a teacher by the course I am taking, but I have been teaching kids since I have learned to share the good news about Jesus Christ. Every summer vacation, our church hold this two-week program where we go to places with many kids.We call this Vacation Bible School. Sometimes, if it's not during vacation, we still have the same kind of program but only during Saturday afternoons which we call Branch Sabbath School. There, we would be teaching children about the inspiring stories in the Bible especially about Jesus Christ, we would share them lessons about proper manners and about health, we also teach them songs and we pray for them. We also teach them different kinds of crafts and they would color materials that we provide. And because we call it "school", it also has the graduation part. The children will be invited in our church, where they will be given gifts and awards. I cannot say that graduation is the best part about this program. But it is when the children would always love to sing the songs about Jesus' love that they have learned, and when they would be amazed about God's wonderful love and works. Then at the end of the day, even they would not say thank you to us, their beautiful smiles are enough for us to be inspired and be back again the next day to be with them again. I know, sometimes they are really naughty and hyper. Some would cry, shout and would even quarrel but all we need is to show them love and understanding. I remember when Christ once said to one of His disciples, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."*



Mama and Papa. I miss them :)

Praying and singing kids


VBS 2013 Sitio Bacao with some of the teachers

VBS 2013 at church

Me with Justine and Jonalyn

Justine is a girl :)



Years I have been with instruments 
Whom the Master have called and invited 
It created a beautiful harmony 
That touched the soul of many 

Once or twice, it made someone smile 

Once or twice or thrice, a help reached a mile 
A proof that miracles are possible 
Oh the gladness of serving His people! 

How lovely, how fulfilling! 

When I see their faces glow with cheer 
All candid, all sincere 
To witness them again is a longing 

I am not a reason, but it is the season 

Of laughing and dancing, of planting and building* 
Not a time to lose, every moment to keep 
For the hands of the clock are ticking

Behold this world around us 

The realm should soon come to pass 
Without keen eyes and deep understanding, 
We cannot see their desire and yearning 

Hearken! Listen. There is a wish to fulfill 

A hope to cheer, a song to hear 
Only a sweet, sweet song can fill these empty hearts 
Whom only the sweet, sweet Master can impart 

No less, but more, the great Composer requires 

He asks of more instruments to play and be applied 
To create more beautiful harmony 
That will touch the soul of many.

*Matthew 19:14
*Ecclesiastes 3

Apr 30, 2013

A Letter from an Ate

To my favourite sister and my favourite brother,

I’m sorry. 

Never did I want to argue with you. I don’t want us to have disagreements, misunderstandings, or fights. Little quarrels are healthy but I just don’t like the thought that having small clashes might lead to not minding each other even for just an hour or a day. I just can’t take that. 

You may hear scolding words from me and sometimes see me hot-tempered but it’s only because I am an Ate. Without our parents with us, I keep in mind that taking care of you and guiding you, in place of them, is my responsibility. It’ll be more burden if I fail. 

I know there are still many things that I should learn and it’s not enough for me to make sermons with you. But please be understanding. It’s not right to just let you do things that I know will not be good for your sake. I want you to learn how to be responsible and disciplined just like how I learned them. 

Sometimes I feel that it’s my fault when you’re being lazy and idle. I should be setting a good example for you to follow. I remember when our mother would usually tell me that I am the Ate and that you, my little siblings, would look up to me. There are things that I do and say, that you will imitate so I should be extra careful. I just cannot accept this before. But as time passes by, I realize that this is really a fact because even my little acts of disobedience, you copy. So I am sorry. And please if you notice and understand that what I do is not good already, please don’t imitate. 

We're usually crazy.
Being an Ate is really not easy. It may seem that I’m defending myself here, but no. I’m just stating reality and any elder sister or elder brother may agree. That as the oldest, we should be mature enough, be understanding as we can, be obedient and be disciplined as early as a young age so we can gain our parents’ trust and we can be a good model for our siblings to follow. 

How I learned to do and finish tasks independently, I also want you learn. You need to do things at home without being asked of. We’re not rich so don’t act like one. Not all your life you will live with an Ate, a Mother or a Grandmother at your side. I am proud that you know basic chores at home. But don’t let yourself hear loud commands first before actually doing them. Obey promptly, it saves life. 

I am writing this because I know you know that I’m not good with spoken words. If I speak to you of this, it will probably end with a debate with Aeron and with Eydi as neutral. So it’s really better written. But please consider this special. This from the bottom of my heart, and is just a little part in my life’s book. Be ready for more letters to come. 

Your Loving Ate, 




Hebrews 12:11: "It is never fun to be corrected. In fact, at the time it is always painful. But if we learn to obey by being corrected, we will do right and live at peace." ~

Ecclesiastes 12:1: "Keep your Creator in mind while you are young! In years to come, you will be burdened down with troubles and say, “I don’t enjoy life anymore.”~

Apr 9, 2013

My life's becoming interesting

I never thought that life would be this interesting
I have never been this much curious with my life before
That getting mature with age involves so many unspoiled episodes of life
And that life now is getting more fun

Who would’ve thought that I will be dealing this hard with my chosen course?
I didn’t thought I’ll have problems with studies
I always believed in what I can do – my own intelligence and skills
Little did I know that they are not enough

Who would’ve thought that I’d be living away from my family?
That being independent is not always full of fun
But it’s always a chance to grow and mature
And to learn the value of money and time

Who would’ve thought that I’ll get sick?
That this girl who rarely gets a cold with be triggered with aches?
Headaches, stomach aches. Heartaches?
I thought I was healthy, but I am not.
 
Who would’ve thought that I’ll be needing friends?
Not just merely acquaintances and temporary friendships
But friends that do love and care
Friends that are genuine – treats me honestly and fairly.

Who would've thought that I’ll be interested with love?
That I’ll get excited for that man who’ll always make me smile?
That I am eager to know when, where and how will we meet halfway?
That I'll be fascinated with special feelings?

Who thinks I’ll be living this life just because I want it?
I live because God has a purpose for me.
And whatever that purpose is, I’ll believe He’ll work it out for me.
Who would’ve thought that life is this interesting? ;)

Mar 28, 2013

Just Give Me a Reason


Soon Goodbyes to March and coming Hellos to April! Wow. Time is so fast I didn't noticed I haven't been blogging lately. Haha. I've become one busy bee during the first quarter of 2013. And I think my hardworks have paid off! I passed the BSA Comprehensive Examination 1 last March 19 and 20 so I am qualified to be 3rd year next semester! Oh yeah! Thank God! And I pray, He'll continue to be with me as I take the few more big exams the next years of my life.
Since, this is again the first time to write something else other than my poems, I am again feeling a bit awkward to write. Hehe. I don't know why, really. But as I start my vacation, let me share to you again myself, singing! YEEEEYYY! Hahaha!

 
I made a cover of this new song, Just Give Me a Reason that was originally sung by P!nk and Nate Ruess. I'm not really fond before of listening to P!nk because I thought she sings rock music but I was mistaken. She writes and sings love songs, but I'm still not sure to what genre. Tomorrow, or later, I'm planning to research about her and listen to her songs. That's how I am when I get to like a singer. ;) Okay, so I told I feel awkward but how come I have already wrote many? Oh well, cheers to this new song. And again, feel free to comment about how I sing. Be judgmental, I don't care. Lol. 'Cause I'm not really a singer. =))

PS. Sorry for the low, low quality. I don't have a fine camera and a fine microphone. Please bear with it. Hehe. THANK YOU! ;)
PPS. Maximum volume please! :D

Feb 26, 2013

Inscrutable

When letters are jumbled and words are tangled
In the safe place nobody has ever been
When phrases are not connected and sentences are wrong
In the dangerous place of the things unseen

I hear trees, I hear wind, but I don’t mind
I see light, I see colors, but I don’t care
I feel pain, I feel movements, but I don’t business
I sense, I sense, I sense nothing at all

Clearly, I have been fooled

And I am bothered because this is not cool
Still things are not properly arranged
In this space where beasts and saints are placed.

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