Dec 1, 2014

6 Years and Counting!

It’s been a habit in this blog that every end of the year, I would reminisce its beginnings. Not only because it is the time of the year where we take a good look back at our lives but also because my blog anniversary is coming soon! Wow. I can’t imagine that I have been keeping this blog for almost 6 years now. And all along those years, I can see that I grew in different aspects of life.

Part of my year-end tradition is rereading some of my posts so I have read again my downfalls, achievements, confused times, and inspired moments. They are not in great detail and some are in lapses, but I realized that these are me all those years.

I was once that broken hearted little girl who was trying to find a place to express suppressed emotions and found a way through this blog. I learned that my high school classmates were also fond of writing so together, we created accounts. We post everything and anything we want; we comment at each other’s post, read each other’s blogs, compose poems, write stories, tell our lives. It was fun while it last. But soon, as months and years passed by, we parted ways. Some of them stopped writing. Others update once in a blue moon, and I was a survivor in maintaining this site. I don’t know what kept me going. I was writing before because I have readers – my classmates read my posts. What’s the use of writing publicly when it’s not read? But I still continued and tried to find friends in the blogging world. I explored and found that I should read and comment on other people’s blog to gain readers. I also learned that I can even earn money just by writing. Again, another highlight of this blog. I was that busy girl who updates everyday her blog and read other blogs. I was diligent in commenting on their posts and I really gained followers and readers. It was fulfilling but I wasn’t satisfied and it was kind of tiring. So I slowed down again but still continued. Then I shifted my focus in writing poems and short stories. And this has somehow made me satisfied. I am an introvert person. And when I speak, my thoughts are so random. And I found a way to be brief and that was through composing poems. Although most of my poems are not really inspirational, still it was my way of expressing feelings. I tried to join contests and learned that I can write short stories. I thought I finally found the meaning of keeping this blog. Then I was motivated to write inspiring thoughts because I was reading inspirational blogs. I tried to share everything I learn at school, at church, my experiences, and other people’s experiences. This was much more fun because of I get to share my faith. But studies were a priority so again, I slowed down.

At first, I still share publicly my blog. But then I thought, I don’t want people to just get to know who I really am. I was ashamed and afraid, so I tried to hide. Only those who will really seek shall find this blog. I began to feel that this is my another world. I do not aspire to be a famous blogger, or whatever. I’m just glad that in 6 years, this blog is still alive amidst all the drastic change in the internet world.

Currently, my posts are a random of anything I want to share. As much as I want to be organized, I just cannot be for now. Maybe after passing the board exam? Yeah, I hope.

Now why am I summarizing my blogging life? Because I’m trying to change again the URL of this site. It’s going to be the 3rd time this blog is going to change its URL. Soon, before 2014 ends.


Happy December! Advance Happy 6th Anniversary to my blog. :D

Oct 30, 2014

Traveling

I am just so glad I have read from my best friend's blog this idea of writing something about anything and everything to my special someone in the future. I don't know if it's good that this is public but I'll try to be general. I'll try to make this post relatable to other readers as possible.

Dearest,
       I am currently composing this letter while I'm riding a jeepney going home. That's why I have thought about traveling. I am a self-confessed home body but I ironically like traveling. Although the farthest I have been to as of the moment, is the almost 24 hour land and sea travel from Manila to Catanduanes, Bicol. I just like the idea of seeing a new place, and the feeling of riding a vehicle.
       I usually prefer traveling alone or even just going to a near a place. So I can observe other passengers, listen to their talks (i'm not a gossiper, i just like listening), watch the scenery, imagine tall tales, listen to my music, daydream, create stories in my head or be dramatic. When I have company, I feel I am obliged to talk to them. And I am not the talkative type.
       I've been dreaming of going to much farther places like Palawan, Bohol, Mindanao, Isabela, or tour around the world. Public or private ride, I don't care as long as I know where I am going to. I would really appreciate traveling to your province. Traveling would mean much more to me when I know what I will do in the destination. That's why I am a home body, I don't just go somewhere without a reason. I haven't tried riding a plane. But I am dreaming of it!
       I only have 2 favorite seats whether its a jeepney or a bus. The front seat, behind the driver and the back seat. I know it's not only me. Most of my friends also prefer seating in these places. I wonder what's yours? And I'm really curious of the places you have been to. Maybe I have been there to. 
      I cannot share anything more about traveling because I haven't really traveled at all. I only hope that you like traveling as much as I do. Cause although I prefer traveling alone, it would still be better if I do it with someone I consider special. :)

Oct 28, 2014

Back from Nowhere

I still can remember how you so much love writing. But just what happened dear? 
I don't believe you have lost the passion. You've just lost track. 
I can always understand your reasons, so don't worry. 
Just get back when you're ready. And I know, you will be, soon. 

Yes, I'm trying to get back to writing my thoughts. It's just too difficult to begin gathering and arranging them again. If I need to be random, I will be. If I need to be pointless, I'll still write. Just for the sake of  trying to express again. And thank goodness I have a best friend. She's the one who inspired me to write something again in this blog. I really have lost the excitement in updating this blog after all the busyness of being a college student. But because of my best friend's ideas in her blog, I am now a bit motivated.
Check out her blog herehttp://canibarro.wordpress.com/
She's also really good in singing and composing songs. Check her soundcloud here: https://soundcloud.com/songstalk

I have a week and a day left before classes for 2nd semester will start again. Why am I suddenly updating when my days are going to occupied again?!  Well anyway, I am just hoping and praying for a better semester this time. It's my 2nd to the last semester and I should really do my best this time. After all my failures, disappointments, heartaches, and whatnots, I hope the odds are in my favor this time. But of course, a combination of hard work and prayer would still equal success. And of course priorities. So, it just means that I would still be not able to update regularly this blog. Maybeeeee, I still can update from time to time, from inspired moments to heartbreaking moments to another. I hope I can! I even miss writing poems.

Oh well. Got to go. 

Sep 14, 2014

Psalm 17

Have you ever experienced that one instance in your life when you feel so depressed, so lonely, you pity yourself so much, you just feel that things around you are so heavy and they just weigh you down and all you can do is cry. But the hardest part is, you CAN'T CRY. No tears are flowing down your cheecks but you can feel constricting muscles in your chest and in your throat, signs that there should be water building up and should swell in your eyes, but there's just none.
You long for someone to talk to. But you can't share what you feel at that moment. Not even to the most trusted person you know. Just because you don't want him/her to worry about you. You can't share it with your friends because they might just judge you. Or you're afraid they'll just gossip what you are going through.
You're just so afraid of what is happening and what might happen.
You're so dependent.
                 weak.
                 vulnerable.

I am this sometimes.
But one thing keeps me feel safe.
                

Posted via Blogaway


Posted via Blogaway

Aug 11, 2014

Fail 101

A bottle of milk and a bottle of whiskey
Both is to drink but the other for a baby
Which do you prefer miss?
Tell me that I might give you bliss.
But no, this isn’t about the drink
Open your eyes and blink
A child wouldn’t go for an alcohol
It tastes bitter, Mama he’ll probably call
An adult can go for the milk
Offer a bottle, he wouldn’t mind, I think
But no, this isn’t about the glass of something

Free your senses, you might get the feeling

--------------

Hiatus result.

Another unfinished poem, an unworthy compensation for the months I am out of the blogging world.

May 16, 2014

Letter Later

Dearest Naj,

Hello there, Jana of the year 2019. It’s me, Jana of 2014. Maybe you are wondering why are you reading a letter from the past and addressed to yourself? Well for you to remember, Sir Ivan, your class instructor last summer 2014 in Technical Writing has given you an assignment to write to yourself, five years from now. And here is that letter; you are reading it for yourself.

How is your life been doing? I hope everything is fine and that you are having a great time with whatever’s been making you busy at this point of your life. I’m curious, are you a CPA now? Or if not, I hope you are happy and contented with whatever title or job you landed on. Do you still dream of being a medical doctor? Because after 5 years, I don’t know if you’re mind has changed and that you’ve been dreaming of other things already. In the past, you know how lazy and timid you are. Prove to me now that you grew up and that you’ve become more mature. I hope by now that you have overcome your attitude and habit struggles when you were still a teenager.  How is your love life? You told yourself five years ago that you should have a sweetheart by the age of 25 and if by the age of 30, you’re still unmarried, you are going to find a foreigner. Childish, huh? But if ever you have a special someone right now, I hope he is what you have been praying for. And of course, that he loves you. Don’t forget that you still have a little brother that you should help with his studies. Eydi and Aeron must be much taller than you are now.

I wonder do you have an Iphone already or a Ford Everest car? Or are you saving money already for a new house for mama and papa? I know I sound so materialistic, but these are just some of the things that you have been dreaming last five years. Remember? By the way, I hope you are now planning on establishing an orphanage. I just want to remind you.

After 5 years, Christ’s coming must have been really sooner than 2014. You should be by now, above everything else, working at God’s mission field. I am aware that as people grow older, challenges also grow in number and in difficulty. God is still the best Conqueror, Friend and Father you have after all. I know He is with you always.

It was fun writing this letter, I hope you also had fun reading it. God bless you, self. ;)

 
Yours truly,
 

                         

May 13, 2014

Wishes


I love and hate the feeling of being alone.
Have you ever wished you could go to a different place; everything will be new to you – the people, the environment, the culture, or even the language. I wish I can, and then I’ll be a stranger and will start a new, different kind of life. I’m just turning 20 but it feels like I have made all the mistakes a person could regret. Of course I am only exaggerating but that is just what I feel.
From the very start of creating this blog, I have always wanted to be mysterious. Not the scary kind or the criminal kind of mysterious. But the wallflower kind could be. I see this quiet kind of people really amusing. I want to be like them. Because I know deep down inside their minds are unique thoughts and loud opinion. They cannot voice them out so they keep it through arts – music, painting, sculpture, drawings, writers, artists. Aren’t they interesting? That’s why I like their kind of mysteriousness. But unfortunately, I am only the “not-really-an-arcane” person because I like to be around with friends. Not much, but just enough who can make me laugh and dream. Friends encourage and strengthen, especially when they’re true.
When I was in freshman year, I never went to the cafeteria alone, although I will not be eating there and will just take-out food, I just cannot bear the feeling of walking in a crowded room, alone. Eventually, I learned how to do it because I need to. If I won’t, I’ll suffer from stomach ache and that is worse than feeling alone. (But still I haven’t learned how to eat alone.) I walked this afternoon going to the cafeteria. And when you want to walk with someone you really, really like, going to the cafeteria feels so lonely. And now I just wish I didn’t get to like someone.
I wish I can write inspiring things. Ever since I got my heart broken, almost everything I write about is hurting and pain. I tried writing positive thoughts and blessings but I can’t keep up. Maybe the only reason why I am writing is that I don’t have someone to talk these things with. I have observed last year that I have fewer blog posts probably because I had good listening friends. It means that instead of sharing my thoughts through blogging, I have shared it already to my friends, so there’s no more use of expressing it in any other ways. But I guess, it still makes me feel better when they say, “Blog not to impress but to express.”
Everything is about feelings. I'm truly a girl. HAHA.

May 5, 2014

Blogger App for Android

Last week I posted about Bloggeroid application for android phones. And here's a little review.

Bloggeroid is so plain simple. It can only be used for posting and saving drafts you have written. Of course you can still add labels for your posts. You can also add photos and videos. When you want to change font styles, you should do it manually. Like when I want to make a word in bold letters, I should put something like this first: (</bold> ) Most bloggers know how these kind of things work. And yeah, just that. You can view your posts only on your phone browser but not direct from the application. It doesn't work exactly like blogger. If you want an application only for posting then this can be good enough for you.

Currently, I am using another application because I was not contented with Bloggeroid. There are two blog applications on my wishlist app in playstore and I hope this second one will work exactly to my specifications. This app is Blogaway and I'll be posting a review the next time I get back. ;)


Posted via Blogaway

Apr 25, 2014

Bloggeroid App for Android!

I have been waiting for this application to be available on my country ever since the first time I had my own Android phone. Now, I'm trying it! I hope this will really work well. If not, then I will still try other applications. I have so many things in mind that I want to blog and if I have an app like this, it will really be convenient in my part. I'll be posting now! By the time I get back, I'll be making a review of this. Haha. :D

Apr 10, 2014

Random Thoughts 103 (End of Semester Randoms)

After forever, I visited again my blog. I missed so many things, people, and events. I feel so left behind. But still, I don't want to give up blogging. This is one way of expressing my inner thoughts and I just I can't imagine holding my piece forever. For now, I'll only be sharing random thoughts I saved for the last few months. I would want to create a blog post for each but uggghh nevermind. My brain can't function properly right now for that thing. lol


Sometimes it’s better to be literally alone, than to feel alone in a crowded room.
I don’t know if I miss writing. I wanted to write but I can’t force myself. Laziness is on the throne.
I hate failures. It just tells me straight in the face that “You’re not good enough.” And I usually talk back and say, “Yes, and will never be.”
Why do I want to have a boyfriend? Because I think he can be the substitute for my pen and paper. I wish I can be with that someone whom I can talk all my feelings without feeling embarrassed, intimidated, insecure, rejected, hated. That someone who will be interested with all my dreams, my whatnots and blah blahs and my murmurs and adventures in life. He will accept me for who I am. The same with how I share my emotions to my notebook and paper. But this time, a boyfriend will definitely talk back.
I don’t like to be with someone who’s more emotional than I am. I’m already full of myself.
It’s so fun to be random. That’s why writing novels is a no-no for me.
I know it’ll hurt in the end but I still keep on going, wishing for change in the events.
Why is it that every time I'm with you, I'm lost for words, I forget things, I get super shy, and I just can't look straight to your beautiful eyes.
I never realized I was hooked to listening to the "getting over" songs until I met you.
All night long, I can stare at the beauty of the moon and the stars. Just like how I can stare at your beautiful eyes.
There is someone out there who is really destined for you. And when I think that it's not me, it hurts.
When you're too infatuated, you become selfish.

Okay. Why are these so sentimental?

Feb 8, 2014

Rebel

Can this be real?
Or is it just a dream?
Never been like this for years,
Oh how wonderful the thrill is.

But although it seems to be true,
Still things cannot be proved.
For I live in a different time and space
There is no way we can be ever in the right place.

It somehow disturbs me too
Because I am so preoccupied by you
Too much that I cannot concentrate anymore
To the things that I should prioritize more

Most of the time I just want to stop
But then, I still am the first to start
In showing signs and intentions
Without considering the consequences of situations

Now please, just give me these last few days
To breathe and to think, and to myself say:
There is a chance for these temporary feelings
To soon just fade and cease
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