May 31, 2016

When a former suitor marries...

One fine day of August 2011, a really good friend bravely admitted to me that I was special to him. Then after almost five years, he finally said "I do" to the special lady God has prepared for him.

And no, the lady is NOT me.




That one fine day, five years ago, is memorable to me. It was the very first time that a guy personally told me his special feelings for me. Although I already have a hint of his affections toward me before, it was still kind of different when a person is going to be up-front, honest that he wants to pursue you. I must be really special, that's what I thought. But sadly, the feelings were not mutual.
After experiencing for the first time that overwhelming feeling of being treated so special, it was also a really, really, difficult thing to turn down someone. I can remember I was stopping myself from crying because of pity, because of saying No to him. I also became so honest of how I felt towards him. He was just like a good, older brother to me. And I told I was so thankful to him for always being there.

For almost a year, after that day, we still had our communication but it just suddenly stopped. I don't know what happened. And as a girl, who is really emotional, I got a bit confused during those times but eventually I moved on because I know there was nothing really to keep between us.
 
He was actually in my prayers every night during that same year. And the Lord truly answers prayers at the right time. I was praying to the Lord for that special lady for him who can equal the kind of treatment he has been showing me. My good friend is a godly person. He is caring, thoughtful and a gentleman. I know he deserves the best. And I was very well aware, during that one fine day, that it is not me for him.
And just last week, he got married! I know he has been praying for that love, too. And I am more than happy for him now. For them! It was an answered prayer.

He was an avid reader of my blog before. And I know he is not now.
But to you, sir, congratulations! I hope, sometime in the future you'll be able to read this post of mine. You really deserve the Lord's best!

Because of this experience I had, I can truly say  that I can entrust to the Lord my love life. We will be broken hearted at times, but God can make it whole again. I am really not sure who is the man with whom I will be finally saying "I do" in front of God. But I am 100% sure that God has been preparing him for me now. And I am praying that He'll prepare me as well.

So, when a former suitor marries... You will have another reason for trusting the Lord's promise.


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My Sisters in Christ

I have always been known by my friends as a very inexpressive kind of person. Some of my friends have even misunderstood this personality I have as being so unappreciative of efforts or gifts given. But truthfully, deep inside my heart is an overwhelming feeling of joy and gratefulness. I don't know why it's so hard for me to express happiness and thankfulness when I am surprised by friends' gifts and efforts that no one could really equal. But I am learning how to.
Just last year, my roommates did something very special for me. It was actually a surprise because they want to leave something memorable for me since it's gonna be my last semester in college. And here's what they did: 


These are sticky notes with cheesy lines. I woke up and saw each of them sticked/posted on my things, like this one on my calculator.



When I woke up, I saw each sticky note and I really knew already that it was my roommates who did it. But I acted as though I saw nothing. I'm so mean, right? And of course, they were expecting some reaction from me and they didn't receive anything. They got annoyed and hated me a bit because of that and I felt really bad about what I did. But they didn't know that deep in my heart, I was really, really happy and the same time I was also sad because I will be leaving so soon. What they did made me realize that I am going to miss them more.
After their naggings and complains of my being inexpressive and unappreciative, I told them how grateful I am for them. Of course, they understood me and then I also left the dormitory that day.

After quite a few months, I went back again to the dorm and stayed there for almost 3 weeks for our comprehensive exams. And for the very last day of my stay, they did something special again for me:






 




It was something to keep again. Something to remind me that I have these special friendship with ladies that are always there for me. We've been through a lot. And by a lot, that means more than two or three years of being together in the same room - we've had sorrows, laughters, get togethers, ministries, music, and so much more. They were my eating buddies, prayer partners, shock absorbers. And I am just so thankful for them. I know very well that they were answered prayers when I asked the Lord for roommates that He wanted me to have.

May 18, 2016

Dear K


Hi. It's been eight years already since we last saw each other. It's been seven years since I last talked to you. And it's been almost five years since the last time you tried communicating with me again. I've been counting, yes...Truth is, ever since I met you, I started counting.
 
It started when we first met. I counted to the days when will I meet you again. Then we started to be textmates. I counted the minutes when will you reply back to my messages. Then we became really close and I started to count the hours I could spend with you. And you never missed counting the months we've been together. And then we broke apart. You left and never came back. Although you did, but not for me.
Are you aware that there came a point in my life that I regretted counting all those things?

But I was still counting after regretting. This time, I was counting again the time until I will finally get over you. It took me too many numbers, too many days, months, and years. And then I missed counting one day. And the following days and weeks after. Until I forgot I was still counting the years left before I reach 18. I forgot that I was waiting for someone's promise. I eventually forgot about you.

Sometimes memories still haunt me. It wasn't painful in the past, but it hurts today. It's been eight long years already but I am still reaping the consequences of the mistakes I made.

I'm not writing to you to let you know that I am still thinking about you. I am done with that, long ago. And I am not even writing this letter to send it to you. I know you will never even know about this. This is just one of those nights that you sometimes slip in my mind because the present is reminding me of you. And I hate that it's happening to me again - too much counting, too much thinking. Counting the days of finally moving on. I just had to write something so vague that only the true recipient would understand it.

PS. I don't feel any kind of remorse anymore towards you. You are forgiven.

Always,



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May 9, 2016

One friend is enough
Two are many
Three are hardly possible.

I am really not good with keeping friends. There are times that I push them away on the days I needed them the most.

I am the dull and boring person in a group so my presence is really not needed nor even missed.

I have trust issues. That's why I keep a diary. If I say something to a friend then he or she would tell it to another friend, I feel betrayed already. Even though what I shared is not a secret nor a confidential thing.

I know, I'm selfish. I just want to get what I want.
I'm expecting too much. I want a person to behave whenever with me the way I wanted them to behave. I'm always expecting something in return. Yes, I'm selfish. I only want the ONE FRIEND.

May 6, 2016

LAMP: Light Bearers in Action Ministering to All People

I shared this testimony last March 23, 2016 at Philippine International Church - AUP. I just want to share it here again. :)
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5 years ago, I was a transferee student here in Adventist University of the Philippines from Lyceum of the Philippines University-Cavite. I transferred here because of only 2 main reasons: First is because of Saturday classes and the 2nd one is because I failed my Calculus subject  in LPU. Most of the transferee students can relate with me when I say that minor subjects in AUP are honestly really easier compared to other universities. If you think na pa-major ung mga minor subjects dito, I don't think I agree with you. We are so blessed with the Christian teachers that AUP has. 
Anyway, this testimony is not about that. 
So, I only have 2 reasons right? And during those times I was not even familiar with all these organizations in AUP. I don't have any idea or even a thought about joining small groups or choirs. So upon entering AUP, I was only focused on finishing accountancy, and that's it. But you know, the Lord has so many exciting plans for us. I was thinking and planning so limited and with so little opportunities. But God proved to me what He said to us in Jer 29:11. That He truly has plans not to harm us but to prosper us. He widened my narrow horizons.LAMP is not the first small group i joined. In fact, I only joined this group when I was already 3rd year college. I have tried joining Idream during my first year and then I joined Ministerial Association. Both of these organizations were a blessing to my spiritual and social life. I was a very introvert person before, I cannot stand in front of people without crying, it was so difficult for me to talk and befriend people before, you wouldn't even imagine that I can stand up here and share this testimony. But the Lord is so good. I know that some of you might be like I am before but if we will only surrender, what God can do is a life turner. You will truly be never the same person again.So, back to my story of joining small groups.. I started joining outreach activities with MA. Then when the Lord has taught me how to create friendships, that's when I started to meet LAMP. It was introduced to me by my classmates, the Abad twins, if you are familiar with them. It was so ironic actually. LAMP was then composed of just a really, really few number. I remember we were just 10 persons every small group meeting. Because of this small number of people, strong friendships were created through prayer. Here in this small group was also the time that I have learned how to do united prayer. Almost every week, we would gather and just pray. It was truly a blessing. The Lord knows our hearts very well. He knows how I badly need not only classmates but brothers and sisters in Christ with whom I can find encouragement and strength especially with my course. Like what Carla shared, nakakabaliw ang accountancy. But LAMP kept me sane, thankfully.Remember that I told I was only focused on finishing my degree here in AUP? Well, if you are like this kind of person, I am warning you. Beware. Because the Lord has unimaginable things prepared for you. If I would look back, it's difficult for me to see myself like I am now. But God is a Great Potter, Great Artist,  a Great Planner, and Great Executor of plans. He has planned unimaginable things in my life and it has become possible through people, experiences, through this small group. LAMP was where I Iearned how to lead, how to pray for others. It was a tool, and still a tool that the Lord has been using for me to be aware of the great commission He has entrusted to us. Outreaches, Soul Hunting, Give-a-Bread Activity, AY programs, small group meetings - I cannot find the right words to express how joyous it is to be part of these ministries. I am so limited, my talents are limited, my horizons are so narrow. I belittle what I can do. And some of you might be thinking like this, too. But I tell you, just surrender, commit, and trust our Great Lord. He will put you to a place, to a group, where you will be a blessing and you will also really be blessed! Most of all, this is where I met my Saviour. I can only but praise Him, for using everything just for me to know Him. 

May 3, 2016

Enouement

Hello! You have now safely arrived to the 3rd of May, 2016.

You have travelled for 854 days and I am aware of that bumpy ride.

How are things you have predicted in the past?

How many of them eventually happened in your journey to the present?

I heard that some of the adventures were a lot of fun.

I would love to hear your stories.

Like other travelers, I heard that you have also missed some of your expected destinations.

I am really sorry to hear about that.

We really cannot foretell what might happen along the way.

But I do hope the signs and signals were sufficient in helping you cross the roads.

Most of them also point you to the right directions.

But as I can see that you are in delay, maybe you have disregarded some of them.

That will surely make some difference.

But yes, of course, I do know you have learned something from that experience.

Were you satisfied with your travel?

Would you want to see a lot more in this journey?

Oh, you’ll think about it.

I see, I see. I do understand that you have lost valuable things and people.

Maybe you need some time to recover?

Yes, yes. Take all the time you need.

But please do remember, time doesn’t stop here.


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