I was probably 8 or 9 years old the first time I had an awareness of death. I wanted to sleep but all I can think of was my grandparents and parents dying. I remember crying myself to sleep and it even went on for several nights after. I still didn't know how pray back then but I remember hoping that fearsome day will never come. They were overwhelming feelings for a child but I somehow managed to get through that fear.
Many years after, my grandfather's sister died. I was around 18 this time and processing the concept of death meant writing a poem about it. I wrote this poem 11 years ago and I still have the same sentiments on death. It's inevitable, one day it's going to be my turn.
Sometimes it just seems too unfair. Like when my youngest brother died, just after he was born. I have never been so heartbroken for someone who I just saw for a few minutes. And most of the times, even though we know that someday, death will surely happen, we still take life for granted. Like when my grandfather died 5 months ago and I was working abroad. All I could think about when I was at the plane going home, are my regrets of choosing to be away from the people I care about the most. It felt like time traveling 20 years ago, to when I was so afraid that either of my grandparents are dying.
I was taught of hope after death. That one day, we will meet again our loved ones on that beautiful and eternal place of peace. It's amazing how humans come up with ideas to cope.
Until then, I wish to keep this blog alive. Someday I will leave this world with a nonsense blog about my boring life in the 21st century.
