I feel so inferior.
Is this because of PMS?
Yes, I think so.
I hate how girls' moods are so unpredictable.
Just last Saturday night, my family and I were having so much fun while having dinner and catching up with each other's studies and other stuffs. Then my brother, who is a teaser, said some joke to me and I was just suddenly teary-eyed then I began to cry. I just couldn't stop the tears flowing in my cheeks.
I was told that there are two reasons why people cry. ( I'm not sure if I shared this already here) First is when you pity other people, or things or whatever it is. Second is, when you pity yourself.
I admit, I am a crybaby.
But not much lately.
I can control it now better than the past few years of my adolescent life.
Anyway, I cried because I feel soooo inferior just because of that one lame joke about my failure.
Maybe this is inferiority complex.
Or just plain PMS---
The most emotional stage in a woman's cycle.
But of course, there is something beneath this stage. Some reason or explanation.
I feel so inferior because I think that way.
Ever since my first major failure, which happened last year, I always feel like a failure. Although I always remind myself of a quote that I've read that,
Failure is not a person, it's an event.
But this failure was followed by two more consecutive failures which made me feel much worse. That I do not just feel that I am a failure with the career I am taking but also I was a disappointment to my family. It affected everything. Most of the people I know doesn't notice, because I don't show it. And only those people who have known me long enough can tell I am different.
My friends now know me as a really slow person. I admit, but only when I don't care. And I don't show if I care or not. So most of the time I just pretend I don't get it. Just forget this line. Or just don't mind it after reading it.
I don't share stories of what happened to me at school. Friends, aside from classmates don't know if I am doing well or bad in class. And I don't feel bad about it. I really chose not to share.
I'm not sharing my opinions anymore. I don't always say what I know anymore. I keep silent most of the time. I listen and just wish for another person to say what I like to say. And I was not this person in the past. I don't know if this is a good thing actually. Because back then when I was still that opinionated person, I was called arrogant and a "know-it-all". So yeah, maybe being this kind of silent is quite a nice effect.
These sad things I feel just pop out of nowhere when I look too much to self. I am aware what I am feeling right now is natural. And that it's not only me who can be experiencing this kind of things.
But whenever I just suddenly feel this lonely and down, I am so blessed I know the Greatest Comforter.
And whenever I feel like I don't have anyone who I can talk to, I have my Best Friend. He truly cares because He understands me so well.
He listens to all my braggings and my cries without judging.
He rebukes me of my selfishness but really gentle and sweet because He knows how to confront me.
He knows where and why I have failed. But He doesn't see me as a failure nor a disappointment.
He looks on what I still can do and supports me all the way.
Knowing all these is more than enough for me.
Remembering that I have Someone like Him makes me change how I see myself.
Having Jesus Christ makes my PMS stage a time for reflection of understanding and forgiving self, and a time of knowing more my Creator.
PS. To end that family story above, my brother aplogized to me after seeing me cry. I know he just likes to crack jokes and he really didn't mean to hurt me. It made me realize how shallow and selfish I am. Praise God for brothers! 😃
Is this because of PMS?
Yes, I think so.
I hate how girls' moods are so unpredictable.
Just last Saturday night, my family and I were having so much fun while having dinner and catching up with each other's studies and other stuffs. Then my brother, who is a teaser, said some joke to me and I was just suddenly teary-eyed then I began to cry. I just couldn't stop the tears flowing in my cheeks.
I was told that there are two reasons why people cry. ( I'm not sure if I shared this already here) First is when you pity other people, or things or whatever it is. Second is, when you pity yourself.
I admit, I am a crybaby.
But not much lately.
I can control it now better than the past few years of my adolescent life.
Anyway, I cried because I feel soooo inferior just because of that one lame joke about my failure.
Maybe this is inferiority complex.
Or just plain PMS---
The most emotional stage in a woman's cycle.
But of course, there is something beneath this stage. Some reason or explanation.
I feel so inferior because I think that way.
Ever since my first major failure, which happened last year, I always feel like a failure. Although I always remind myself of a quote that I've read that,
Failure is not a person, it's an event.
But this failure was followed by two more consecutive failures which made me feel much worse. That I do not just feel that I am a failure with the career I am taking but also I was a disappointment to my family. It affected everything. Most of the people I know doesn't notice, because I don't show it. And only those people who have known me long enough can tell I am different.
My friends now know me as a really slow person. I admit, but only when I don't care. And I don't show if I care or not. So most of the time I just pretend I don't get it. Just forget this line. Or just don't mind it after reading it.
I don't share stories of what happened to me at school. Friends, aside from classmates don't know if I am doing well or bad in class. And I don't feel bad about it. I really chose not to share.
I'm not sharing my opinions anymore. I don't always say what I know anymore. I keep silent most of the time. I listen and just wish for another person to say what I like to say. And I was not this person in the past. I don't know if this is a good thing actually. Because back then when I was still that opinionated person, I was called arrogant and a "know-it-all". So yeah, maybe being this kind of silent is quite a nice effect.
These sad things I feel just pop out of nowhere when I look too much to self. I am aware what I am feeling right now is natural. And that it's not only me who can be experiencing this kind of things.
But whenever I just suddenly feel this lonely and down, I am so blessed I know the Greatest Comforter.
And whenever I feel like I don't have anyone who I can talk to, I have my Best Friend. He truly cares because He understands me so well.
He listens to all my braggings and my cries without judging.
He rebukes me of my selfishness but really gentle and sweet because He knows how to confront me.
He knows where and why I have failed. But He doesn't see me as a failure nor a disappointment.
He looks on what I still can do and supports me all the way.
Knowing all these is more than enough for me.
Remembering that I have Someone like Him makes me change how I see myself.
Having Jesus Christ makes my PMS stage a time for reflection of understanding and forgiving self, and a time of knowing more my Creator.
PS. To end that family story above, my brother aplogized to me after seeing me cry. I know he just likes to crack jokes and he really didn't mean to hurt me. It made me realize how shallow and selfish I am. Praise God for brothers! 😃
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