Where are you?

Losing something that is so dear to you sucks.

I have kept it for so long, waiting for the right time to be used.

But the right time never came, so I decided to check if it's still safe.

Yet lo and behold, it's gone.

I tried so hard in looking for it. 

But only traces were left, like its storage where I kept it.

You tell me just buy another one?

NO.

It can't be bought by ordinary not even expensive money,

neither it be exchanged with the most precious things in the world.

Do you feel me?

I'm not sure if you do.

But all I wish now is that it's not forever gone.

That one day, it'll just show up.

And if that time comes, I won't just keep and store it.

I will always use it.

And take care of it.

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L'appel du vide

I have been experiencing anxiety and extreme sadness lately for almost quite a year now. I can't say that I have a mental disorder already since I haven't seen a doctor yet. But I know that I'm not okay, and this is not the usual me.

Right now, I feel so alone and so misunderstood. And I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. Dying could be the best choice, you know.

I don't know what's selfish with wanting to die when you're the root cause of why people get angry or worried; when you're the reason why they can't have peace of minds, or the reason why they can't do/achieve what they want in life. Dying is better than seeing them like these, right? At least when I'm gone, I'm one less stubborn person in their life. Finally, they could be happy. Finally, they don't have to think about that daughter/sibling/friend who's just a pain in their ass.

I'm tired of all these.

I hate life.

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I need to get something off my chest

I have a nice life.

We are not rich but I can say I have never experienced lacking of anything.
We eat three or even more than three times a day.
My parents can buy me dresses and shoes that I like. (As long as we have budget for those)
We live in our own house and have our own family car.
I  graduated college from the university that I like.
I have an easy life.
A good life.

But why am I like this?
I am so discontented.
I want adventure.
I want to feel free.
I wanted to feel like I can do things and decide things on my own.

My family provided everything I have ever needed, even the things that I like.
Maybe I just want to live my own life now. 

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Uhhhm, Hi?

AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR!!!

I AM BACK, my beloved Blog. YES! This is real, this is true.

This is me. And you are the one that got away.

But I am coming back. And I am already back!!!!

I cannot believe this.

What happened in 2017?????

Have we time traveled???

Oh myyyyyyy. This is soooo surreal. Wait, what does that even mean?

I love you, Blog. I am so sorry for letting you go for almost a year.

What happened to me???

What happened to us??

You'll be alright again. I promise you will be a normal blog again.

You deserve to be loved. To be written on, and to be read again.

I'll keep you again.

We'll do this writing random stuffs once more, right?

It's never too late. (even after being gone for more than a year.)

NEVER GONNA LET YOU GO AWAY FROM ME
EVER, EVER AGAIN.

We're gonna have a wonderful 2018. I PROMISE.

(No false hopes. So don't trust that promise.)

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